For those unfamiliar with Festivus, the Seinfeld-inspired “holiday for the rest of us”, it’s a quirky celebration that includes an aluminum pole, feats of strength, and, most importantly, the airing of grievances.
While that might sound like a recipe for chaos (and possibly a few canceled dinner invitations), there’s actually something psychologically healthy about the idea. No, we’re not suggesting you unleash a year’s worth of complaints over meatloaf, but the spirit of Festivus – open communication and emotional honesty – can teach us a lot about maintaining healthy relationships.
Why Airing Grievances Can Be Good for You
Bottling up frustration rarely ends well. When we avoid talking about what’s bothering us, tension tends to build, like a pressure cooker waiting to blow. Regular, calm, and honest communication can prevent resentment from piling up into something explosive.
Healthy relationships (romantic, familial, or otherwise) depend on open communication, naming problems and working together to fix it. Airing a grievance doesn’t have to mean picking a fight. In fact, it can be one of the most caring things you do if done with kindness and curiosity instead of contempt.
How to Air Your Grievances the Healthy Way
Here’s how to bring a little Festivus energy into your everyday life – minus the shouting and steel pole:
- Choose the right time. Maybe not mid-argument or right before bed. Schedule a calm space to talk. (Bonus points if snacks are involved.)
- Use “I” statements. “I feel unheard when…” goes over a lot better than “You never listen.”
- Focus on the issue, not the person. You’re solving a problem together, not declaring war.
- Keep it short and specific. “I need more help with the dishes” beats “You’re always lazy.”
- End with appreciation. Gratitude can soften even the toughest conversations.
A Festivus for the Rest of the Year
Maybe we don’t need to wait until December 23rd to air our grievances. Maybe the true gift of Festivus is learning that honest communication, even when it’s uncomfortable, can strengthen connection, build trust, and prevent emotional pileups.
So grab your metaphorical Festivus pole, take a deep breath, and remember: expressing your needs isn’t a grievance – it’s an act of love.
– by Chris Burd, LAPC