Honoring What Was, While Staying Present to What Is
The holidays often stir up more than cheer. They can awaken memories that live quietly in the background all year — the smell of something baking, the sound of a familiar song, the way the light fell on snow outside a childhood window. Suddenly, you’re not just in this holiday season — you’re in all of them at once.
At Untethered Therapy, we often talk about how nostalgia and grief can exist side by side. Missing what was — or what might have been — doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful for what’s here. It simply means you’ve loved deeply, and that love still echoes.
When Memory Meets the Present
Nostalgia has a strange way of softening the past. It filters memories through warmth and familiarity — even when those times were imperfect. But alongside nostalgia can come longing: a wish to return to a version of life, a person, or a moment that now lives only in memory.
For some, the holidays may highlight what’s missing — loved ones who’ve passed, relationships that have changed, or traditions that no longer fit the same way. For others, it’s a longing for a time when things felt simpler, or joy felt easier to access. You’re not alone in feeling that bittersweet ache. The holidays are one of the few times of year when the heart and memory seem to hold hands.
The Dual Nature of Grief and Gratitude
It’s possible to hold both: to feel gratitude for what was and grief for what is gone. To laugh through tears. To celebrate while remembering.
The work isn’t to push one emotion away but to let them coexist. Because grief, at its core, is love with nowhere to go. And love remembered is still love felt.
Honoring the Past, Rooting in the Present
If memories are pulling you backward this season, try these gentle ways of integrating them with your life now:
- Create an intentional ritual of remembrance.
Light a candle, make a favorite recipe, or listen to music that connects you to a loved one. Name the person or moment you’re honoring — out loud, if it feels right. - Let memories visit, but don’t let them take over.
When a memory arises, notice how it feels in your body. Take a slow breath and gently return to the present — to the space, sounds, or faces around you. - Bring something old into something new.
Adapt a tradition. Write a letter to your younger self. Invite someone new into a ritual that once felt private. Continuity can be comforting, but transformation can be healing. - Allow joy, even when it feels complicated.
Missing what was doesn’t cancel out the beauty of what still can be. Joy and longing can share the same table.
A Reflection for This Season
When nostalgia comes up for you this holiday season, take a moment of reflection with one of the following prompts:
- What memory feels closest to me this time of year?
- What part of that memory still brings warmth or meaning?
- What, or who, am I longing for?
- How can I honor that longing without losing connection to the present?
- What new experience could I create this season that reflects who I am now?
(Let yourself write freely, draw, or simply notice what surfaces. There’s no right way to remember — only honest ways.)
Moving Forward, Gently
As one year closes and another begins, we often look back — sometimes wistfully, sometimes with pride, sometimes with sadness. But every reflection is also a doorway to renewal. Your memories don’t need to hold you in the past to hold meaning. You can carry them with you — as reminders of love, connection, and resilience — while still making space for new experiences to take root. We believe healing happens in the space between remembrance and renewal. This season, may you find tenderness in your memories, presence in your moments, and hope in what’s still to come.
You can honor the past without living in it. You can miss what was, and still create what’s next.